I gotta speak the truth, cause the truth will set me free right…..well at least that is how the age old statement goes.
Well, here I go…
Dear God, I’m not happy, and even though I walk around wearing this mask, you know the one everyone; the one where you pretend like life for you is so incredibly great when inside you’re a hot bubbling mess. I know this simply because during my time spent alone in the privacy of my own home, I realize that happiness will never be attainable, as long as I continue to hold onto things that I know deep within my heart that I must let go.
I see the warning lights, the flashing signs, wrapped in pigeon sent messages my heavenly father send’s my way, but even though the mind wants to follow, the heart for a time ignored the multiple trouble signs.
Dear God,
If I can, is it ok, if I ask you a quick question?
Why must things be the way they are, how can people do the things they do, without any remorse, without even a percentage of a conscious.
I tell you caring for someone who could care less about you, is the worst pain anyone could live, the whole time, and your left hoping that one day they’ll change.
The things you do for them seen as more of an expectation, yet becoming nothing more then a burden, instead of a favor done in kindness.
They treat you like nothing more then a mere useless piece of trash, throwing you away one day, only to play with your emotions coming back to pick you right back up the next.
I gotta stop for a minute….
Taking a deep breath I slowly try to begin typing once again.
Where did I leave off? I whisper in the black silence of my mind.
Oh Ya…..like I was saying.
Holding on to someone, who is for a season, when I wanted very much so for it to be forever, that is where all my problems arose, the truth is I knew 4 years ago that I had my hands full with this relationship because early on, it seemed to consume me, taking my emotion, energy, heart, mind, and soul, but we as humans tend to get a little bold in our thinking at times, because somehow we believe we can prove God wrong, that lord, yes this will work, I just need a little more time.
Four years later, still no results, time well spent you say…no I say time wasted and that time I wasted, I will never get back…..
Forgive me my heavenly father, for not listening when you told me to let it go, but thank you for allowing me to walk the road that we as humans sometimes unknowingly choose to walk, cause in doing so I have also learned.
I no longer am going to fight on this issue anymore, and as I look into my mirror, I am no longer gonna continue to wear this mask, everything isn’t for everyone folks, and life has proven that this relationship is definably not for me.
If you’re reading this – I love you, but In order for me to be Ok, I gotta let you go……….
Choosing to be or not be happy, well, my decision is simple,
I choose to be happy.